Parenting from a Psychological Perspective - Term Paper Example

Parenting – From a Psychological Perspective Order No. 373225 Introduction Parenting children is by no means an easy task because so many factors come into play during the child’s growth and development. Especially in these modern times which are so fast paced, parents find it difficult to cope with the situation. Since the best of opportunities are at their disposal, parents find that it is not so easy to keep track and exert control of their children. In fact, both children and parents have so much to do that they hardly have time to communicate and spend time with each other. Children are very vulnerable and as such get easily drawn into things which are not good for them. It is therefore the prime duty of the parent to spend as much time as possible with their child and guide them on the right track. Genuinely concerned parents would first and foremost see that their child keeps in good health of body and mind. They encourage them to keep fit by ensuring their children eat the right foods and get enough of exercise through activities such as swimming, going to a gym or taking part in any sports activity. They show concern when they see their child stressed out and hence engage their children to de-stress by taking them out, or getting them to walk the dog, go jogging or trekking or by helping them to engage themselves in an interesting hobby. Parenting from a Psychological Perspective On the flip side of the coin we find parents who neglect their children especially during their formative years. Such children are bound to become anti-social elements in the society and face major problems later on in life. Parents who don’t show concern for their wards or who push them too hard against the wall, would have to face great difficulties later on. The child who is abused or neglected would also exhibit unconcern for the parent’s words and would become stubborn and obstinate when a parent puts some pressure. These types of children who are not cared for well by the parent very easily fall a prey to drinking, drugs and other nefarious activities. Parents who set a good example for their children and give respect to a child would always be proud of the children because they would receive respect in return. Parents who expose their children to bad habits such as drinking and smoking from a young age, would face great difficulty in the years to come and would find it very hard to break bad habits. The core element that makes one parent different from another is the willingness to change automatic behavior that ‘is psychologically and spiritually damaging to the child.’1 Changing the way they were treated as kids would make a great difference not only in the child’s life but also their own. According to (Bowlby, 1973, 1979, 1988; Slade 1999, ‘Attachment theory2 provides a useful lens through which to examine and better understand psychotherapy and aspects of psychotherapy relationships such as transference.’ The key factor around which the article revolves is that the attachment theory is greatly concerned with every relationship that an individual experiences during their lifetime. It is these relationships that are broadly responsible for the internal development of the individual and which would in turn affect or influence all other relationships in the future. According to Bowlby, Attachment is described as a strong bond that is developed first between a child and its parent and later gets manifested in ‘peer and romantic relationships.’ (Bowlby (1969)3 ‘Differences in attachment styles were associated with differences in parental responsiveness and consistency.’ (Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters and Wall (1978)4 It is rather clear that those children who received negative responses and poor experiences during their childhood are bound to have repercussions during their adulthood. Parents have a great deal of impact on the development of their children. There are four distinct styles under which parenting can be categorized. In the early 1960s around hundred children of the pre-school age were made part of a study by psychologist Diana Baumrind (Baumrind 1967)5. Based upon this study four important dimensions of parenting, based on disciplinary strategies, warmth and nurturance, communication style and expectations of maturity were evinced. Psychologists today after much research in the area, regard the four basic parenting styles to be Authoritarian parenting, Authoritative parenting, Permissive parenting and Uninvolved parenting. Children are expected to follow all the rules set by their parents in case of Authoritarian style of parenting. They are punished for breaking of rules. The parents are not very responsive and make high demands from their progeny. They often fail to explain the rationale behind their rules. Authoritative parenting on the other hand is more democratic wherein the parents set guidelines and rules which they expect their children to follow. Parents are responsive towards their children and answer their queries. Such parents, according to Baumrind are “assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive”. (Baumrind 1991)6 Authoritative parenting styles tend to result in children who are happy, capable and successful (Maccoby, 1992).7 Permissive parenting or indulgent parenting is one where the parents do not make much demands on their children. Parents of this category are often friends of their children. These parents are very communicative and responsive. They avoid confrontation and are very lenient with their wards sometime even spoiling them. In the Uninvolved style of parenting, parents make very few demands on their children. Parents provide their children with the basic amenities and fulfill their basic needs but they are not necessarily attached to their children. In some cases the parents are either detached or negligent of the needs of their children. There are many factors that impact children during their adult lives. For example divorce which has become quite a commonplace these days has a great impact both positively as well as negatively. Children from divorced parents experience short term outcomes such as anxiety and feelings of sadness, disappointment or hatred towards the parents, but as they move on to adolescence and adulthood ‘they become increasingly optimistic as they age and mature.’(Blakeslee & Wallerstein, 1989)8. In fact the results from their study showed that when these individuals were interviewed, they expressed a deep desire to rectify what they parents could not do such as having stable families. However, research has proved that such notions are more idealistic than realistic. (Blakeslee & Wallerstein, 1989)9 “Relationships have a high likelihood of being untrustworthy; betrayal and infidelity are probable" (Blakeslee & Wallerstein, 1989, p. 55)10 In a research conducted by Booth et al. (2000)11 results showed that the youngest children were the worst affected, but however, in the follow up study that was conducted 10 years after the divorce showed that the smallest children adapted and adjusted to their new environment in a much better manner than the older children who took a longer time to make adjustments. In Amato and Keith’s (1991)12 research assessment results showed that children within highly conflicting families who do not divorce fare worse than children whose parents are divorced because it creates a distance from the troubled environment. Latest research has proved that both parents as well as children have learned to deal with emotions of sadness, insecurity and anger that could lead to depression and unrealistic relationship views in a much better manner and eventually they learn to accept the past and look forward to their future. In Waite and Gallagher’s (2000)13 opinion most marriages that end in divorce are the result of being ‘rushed into without previous cohabiting or planning and hence were less successful.’ Some individuals stay in unfulfilling marriages as they think it is best for their children, though it is not necessarily best for them as children suffer throughout till they get married. (Waite and Gallagher, 2000)14 Parents who have a lot of dissimilarities between them by way of religion, ethnicity, age, finance and socio- economic status face complications in parenting their children and may face marital disharmony. (Warner & Seccombe, 2003)15 In parenting children, a lot of care has to be taken by the parents not only in providing the basic necessities for a child but also to see that they provide the child with a lot of love, care and emotional security so that the child receives an all round development and become a worthy member of society. Bibliography Ainsworth, M.D.S, Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Walls, S. (1978) Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange situation. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum. Amato, P. R., & Keith, B. (1991). Parental divorce and adult well-being: A meta-analysis. Journal of Marriage & the Family, 53, 43-58. Baumrind, D. (1967). Child-care practices anteceding three patterns of preschool behavior. Genetic Psychology Monographs, 75, 43-88. Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56-95. Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Attachment (Vol. 1). New York: Basic. Bowlby, J. (1973) Attachment and Loss: Vol. 2 Separation. New York: Basic Books. Bowlby, J. (1979) The Making and Breaking of Affectional Bonds. New York. Routledge. Blakeslee, S., & Wallerstein, J. S. (1989). Second chances: Men, women and children a decade after divorce. New York: Ticknor & Fields. Booth, C., Clarke-Stewart, K. A., McCartney, K., Owen, M. T., & Vandell, D. L. (2000). Effects of parental separation and divorce on very young children. Journal of Family Psychology, 14, 304-326. Laura Ramirez, 2006. Good Parenting Skills. www.parenting-child-development.com/good-parenting-skill.html Maccoby, E.E. (1992). The role of parents in the socialization of children: An historical overview. Developmental Psychology, 28, 1006-1017. Waite, L. J., & Gallagher, M. (2000). The case for marriage. New York: Doubleday. Warner, R. L., & Seccombe, K. (2003). Marriage and families: Relationships in social context. Toronto, Canada: Wadsworth. Read More