Comparative Analysis of Men and Women - Book Report/Review Example

Book Report One of the most celebrated sociolinguistic experts, Deborah Tannen, analyzes and interprets the different meanings of communications between men and women in her best selling book You Just Don’t Understand. A close reading of the book is needed to understand and analyze the meaning that the author deals with in great detail and such an involved reading would definitely prove the worth of the book and answer the question why the book was so popular among the reading public. Through such an involved and dedicated effort to read the text in its entirety, it is found that the text is obviously the result of a well researched and thoroughly analyzed study in which the author concludes that though the same structure, words and phrases are used by men and women in their conversations, it is very much possible for them to interpret and to react to them in entirely different ways. In the book, Tannen attempts a comparative analysis of men and women differently in which she establishes that conversation, as far as men are concerned, is a means of competition or a way to preserve their independence, whereas, it is considered and used by women as a means of promoting and developing their intimacy with people. “Tannen observed that, “For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They’re friends with the boys they do things with.” It’s not hard, from even these simple observations, to see the potential problems when men and women communicate.” (Tannen 1990). Any person who is highly interested in communicating better with the opposite sex, life partner or otherwise, will find the most beneficial resource in this classic, brilliant, perceptive and well-written book by Tannen. In essence, the book offers a very effective remedy to the language barriers that confront people and separate the sexual categories thereby improving the relationship between men and women. One of the most effective commentaries on the book You Just Don’t Understand could be that the author, using the scientific insights and the humorous writing style, investigates difference in communication between men and women exemplifying with real conversations of men and women and successfully illustrates how the two sexual categories interpret conversations differently. Through the entire book, Tannen analyzes the different means by which the two sexes understands and interprets the circumstances and issues. The very first chapter provides the entire theme of the book and its scope in a nutshell. The title of the chapter, “Different Words, Different Worlds” tells the relevance of the text as well as it describes substance of the book. The various situations presented in the book are very interesting as well as assisting the details discussed. An interesting situation illustrated in the text is when a husband invites one of his friends to spend the weekend together without discussing the matter with his wife. When interpreted from the point of view of the husband, he did not discuss the matter prior with the wife as he felt that it would mean a control over his freedom. To view the same from the wife’s angle, it was just an act that tells the lack of courtesy in her husband. To her, a prior discussion of the matter with her would not, in any matter, mean an act of asking for permission. Through such very interesting and life-related situations, the author studies the characteristic features of the conversations of men and women as they differ from each other. As we have noted before, the entire book concentrates on the premise that women consider communication as a means to strengthen the affiliation and intimacy with people whereas, to men, communication is a way to achieve their strictly defined goals as it ensures their freedom. This is the reason why women converse and interrelate with people on a personal level while men concentrate on their knowledge and experience on sports, car, women, and the like. The examples used by the author in order to establish her points are so life-like that on reading some of them many of the readers identify similar situations in their life. It is this quality of the book that makes the book very much appealing to the readers and widens the readership of the book. The relevance of the book is that it is, in no way, written in an imaginary sphere dealing with issues that could have existed or may exist. Rather, the author, in a very emphatic tone, gives the life situations to ensure that the text touches the various levels of the human needs as people deal with the opposite sexes. There is every possibility that the readers can find the personal examples as the text fits to their life. In an interesting way, to give my personal experience, there have been various situations where I found that some of the situations described in the text were observed by the author without my knowledge. The same has been the experience of some other readers of the text I am familiar with. In this manner, there is a great relevance and life-touch to various situations discussed in the text all of which confirm the view that the book You Just Don’t Understand fits to the life situations of large number of people. Therefore, the popularity of the text is rightly justified. Let us also remember that the author’s intention in writing the text is to make it appealing and relevant to the large number of people who read the text, thereby ensuring the credibility of the work. For this, the author makes a detailed analysis of the communication styles of men and women in separate. She has been greatly successful in identifying this difference which she, effectively, illustrates through the examples that relate observations and analysis with real life situations. “In sharp contrast to the communication style of men, which seeks to establish and maintain status and dominance, women’s communicating is more egalitarian, or rule-by-consensus. When women get together they seek the input of the other women present and make decisions based on the wishes of all.” (Tannen 1990). Taken together, the whole book deals with the same issue in various situations corresponding to the life situations in an interesting style. This can be viewed as the primary reason for the great popularity of the work. It is of paramount significance that we understand, by now, the reason for the writer to attempt such a work. There is an apparent implication or some great motive behind the writing of this significant work and missing that point would mean missing entire meaning of the text. It is a suggestion meant for both the sexes. “Tannen makes the point that both sexes need to understand the inherent differences in their communication styles so that they don't expect the impossible. There is middle ground where men and women can meet and find understanding. Women must learn that the kind of intimate talk they have with their girlfriends should remain just that. Trying to turn your man into a girlfriend will usually fail because men, in general, don't create feelings of closeness in that way. Men, too can understand that when their woman is talking, she is attempting to connect to him--she's not just talking to talk, nor is she trying to readjust the status of their relationship. By sharing more of himself he shows her, in a way she can understand, that he's not pushing her away; that he does indeed love her and want to be close to her.” (Tannen 1990). This apparent meaning of the book proves its appropriateness in the modern life. In closing, an involved and careful reading would clarify the relevance of the text in the modern situations and confirm the point that the text is a one to be read by anyone who wishes to enjoy a good healthy relation with the opposite sex. At the reading of the book, people would no more feel that the persons of the opposite sex do not understand them exactly the same way they wish. The difference in the perception of men and women is clearly drawn in You Just Don't Understand and all the credit goes to its author Deborah Tannen who has dealt with the topic in the most appropriate and effective manner. This best seller has been very influential so as to affect the way people of different sex talk and listen to the opposite sex – be it at home, at work, in the society or any other situation where communication takes place. Works cited Tannen, Deborah. You Just Don't Understand. William Morrow and Company. 1990. 11 Feb. 2008 . Read More