Understanding Misunderstanding: Non-Verbal Communication - Essay Example

Name of writer appears here] [Course name appears here] [Professor’s name appears here] [Date appears here] Understanding Misunderstanding: Non-verbal communication Nonverbal Communication In addition to being unaware of how we sound to others, we are also often unaware of how we look to others while we speak. We are acutely and sometimes painfully aware of the impact the nonverbal messages of others have on us, yet we do not realize that we are doing this same thing to them. In reality, we are all delivering (usually unintentionally) as many negative nonverbal messages as we receive, if not more! You look as bad to them as they look to you, you just are not aware of what they see. While you may not realize it, left unchecked or uncorrected, body language betrays your true emotion. If you are talking to someone you do not want to talk to, or are in a circumstance you do not want to be in, or perhaps are doing something that you really do not want to do, it is not necessary for you to say a word. Your nonverbal actions (with a probable assist from your tone of voice) convey a very clear message to everyone around you. Even though you do not say what's really on your mind and you work hard to clean up your communication for "human consumption," it is a very serious communication error to think that your true thoughts are not being very clearly transmitted to the receiver. While you may refrain from actually vocalizing what you are thinking, the receiver absorbs a very clear message and he or she does not need a psychic hotline to figure out what it means. Let's address three specific aspects of your nonverbal communication: eye contact, physical distance, and body language. Eye Contact It is important to maintain appropriate eye contact with your communication partners. Consistent, intermittent eye contact is the most effective. Not making eye contact results in your sending some significant unintended negative messages: lack of confidence, untruthfulness, arrogance, and condescension. Avoid allowing your eyes to focus downward or up above the receiver. Effective eye contact is usually maintained for a count of three with a brief look away, and then reestablishing the connection. Staring is not effective eye contact. It can signal flagrant disrespect, intimidation, or insubordination. With members of the opposite sex, it can send a message you have no intention of sending. Maintaining appropriate eye contact may be a challenge for you. When deep in thought or pondering questions or responses, it is not uncommon for many professionals to unconsciously allow their eyes to wander. Doing so while silent is fine; starting or maintaining a conversation without effective eye contact is not. You may be sending very negative messages with inappropriate eye contact without even realizing it. Physical Spacing The physical distance you establish and maintain has as much impact as the type of eye contact you use. During a business communication, maintain a distance of eighteen to thirty-six inches between yourself and the receiver. Getting closer than eighteen inches can be extremely intimidating and may be interpreted as a violation of personal space. Most people tend to react negatively when they feel crowded. More than thirty six inches creates a natural disconnect in workplace communication, requiring both parties to raise their voices to an uncomfortable level to be heard. It is also important for you to be aware that eye contact and physical spacing distances are culturally defined. Different cultures attach different degrees of importance to both. Some cultures review eye contact as disrespectful and it sends a very negative message, especially if the receiver is older than you or ranks above you in the organization. Some cultures have a much tighter physical spacing zone and may feel comfortable at distances often to twelve inches. You are at a disadvantage if you do not have at least a general understanding of the various cultural interpretations of physical spacing. Body Language This is a very complex subject. Understanding the messages of body language is not a science; it is an incomplete art at best. Many people believe themselves to be experts at reading other people's body language or nonverbal messages. It really is an area subject to misinterpretation and misunderstanding. Subjective interpretation is rampant. Do not fall prey to assuming that you can be sure what someone else's body language is expressing. Everyone has had their nonverbal messages misunderstood and we all have misunderstood the messages of others. In observing the body language of others, it is important to focus on changes in their position and their physical reactions to specific observations or comments. Such reactions indicate some sort of response. Don't assume you know precisely what their exact response means. You don't! It is the equivalent of your phone ringing: you know someone is calling. You don't know who it is or what the call is about until you answer the phone and find out. For example, when people cross their arms in response to something that is said, it is generally assumed to be a negative reaction a rejection of the message or a sign of closed-mindedness. And that may be exactly what they are thinking. On the other hand, their response could also mean that they are cold, or that they are merely assuming a more comfortable posture. The action may have nothing to do with your message at all. It is very easy to jump to conclusions, which results in the explosion of miscommunication and inappropriate reaction. It is extremely important not only to avoid making assumptions concerning the meaning of the nonverbal communication of others, it is also important to become aware of the assumptions others may make about your body language and nonverbal messages. Common assumptions are attached to specific nonverbal gestures; the following chart lists some body language messages and the meaning or interpretation that is typically attached. Typical Positively Interpreted Body Language Gesture Interpretation Nodding head "I see" or "I understand." Stroking chin Serious evaluation or deep consideration or thought Palms open, hands extended forward at chest height Seriousness, emphasis of importance One hand above head Emphasizing a point Both hands above head Triumph (this can be a negative message if conveyed at the wrong time or at someone else's expense) Counting things off on your fingers Confidence and logic Leaning forward or facing speaker directly Intensity and interest Arms and legs in an open position Openness to ideas and suggestions Steepling of fingers Extreme self-confidence Typical Negatively Interpreted Body Language Gesture Interpretation Rolling eyes "That was a stupid remark." Rubbing eyes Suspicion or rejection Clearing throat Nervousness Open palms below chest level Helplessness, plea to be understood Hands or fingers in front of mouth Reluctance to talk, nervousness or embarrassment Wagging finger back and forth "You are wrong." Pointing Aggressiveness Hands clasped behind back "I'm in charge"; generally interpreted as negative assertion of authority Chewing a pencil or other object Nervousness and uncertainty Crossing arms over chest "I don't agree"; resistance or rejection of message Leaning back in chair or turning body away from speaker Pulling away from involvement or creating distance or detachment Deep sighing Impatience or boredom Smirking Self-superiority and condescension Whether you like it or not, these are the common assumptions people make about your nonverbal and body language messages. We have seen above that, while language conveys primarily semantic information, non-verbal communication conveys a wide range of different sorts of information. Non-verbal elements do sometimes convey semantic information, as in the case of independent vocal interjections and independent gestures. But much of the information conveyed by non-verbal means has the function of assisting the process of linguistic communication rather than substituting for it. The possibility of acts of linguistic communication taking place at all is facilitated by the regulative function of non-verbal behaviour. We saw that this function served to open the channels of communication, as it were, and to manage the necessary meshing of performances in negotiating exchanges of the role of speaker; it also indicated the progressions within the interaction from one major stage to the next. It is at this point, where the structure of the interaction is paralleled by the thematic semantic structure of the linguistic interchange that the regulative function of non-verbal communication begins to blend with what we might call its demarcative function. Non-verbal communication was seen to convey perceptual clues to the listener about the demarcation of linguistic boundaries at different levels semantic, grammatical and phonological. (Carterette E. C. and Friedman M. P. (eds), 1976) In order for the regulative and the demarcative functions of non-verbal communication to succeed, various elements of non-verbal behaviour have to be in synchrony with aspects of the speaker's linguistic behaviour. This is particularly true of the visible paralinguistic features, all of which consist of very highly skilled muscular movements, as does speech itself. It is hardly surprising that there should be a high degree of temporal coordination of the different activities of vocal and non-vocal movement to manage such an intricately skilled, multi-level performance on an asynchronous basis would be astonishing. So there is a synchronization in the majority of bodily movements of a speaker, such that, comparing speech and body movement, the 'points of change in the flow of sound coincide with the points of change in body movement'. (Carterette E. C. and Friedman M. P. (eds), 1976) What is perhaps more unexpected is that it has been found that self synchrony of movements in the speaker is very often matched by an empathetic synchrony of movements by the listener, in what has been called interactional synchrony. The phenomenon was first described by Condon and Ogston. It does not imply that the listener copies the movements of the speaker merely that 'the boundaries of the movement waves of the listener coincide with boundaries of the movement waves in the speaker'. The actual movements of the listener may be quite different from those of the speaker and are probably on a much smaller scale. One plausible and economical perceptual explanation offered for interactional synchrony by Kendon is that the linguistic output by the speaker is being decoded by the listener on an analysis-by-synthesis basis that is, by intermittently sampling the speech output, setting up running hypotheses about future output and checking from time to time for correct prediction and that the resultant interactional synchrony is a reflection of the listener's empathetic processes toward this end. The discovery of interactional synchrony highlights the fact that conversation is an intricately controlled act of collaboration between speaker and listener. We might expect that such collaboration would have other interesting aspects, and one of these is the phenomenon of interactional equilibrium. We saw earlier that participants in an interaction adjust their mutual proximity until they reach their culturally comfortable distance for the type of encounter in which they are engaged. There will be momentary oscillations around this distance, but equilibrium is maintained when the two participants come from the same cultural background. This is an example of collaboration in the maintenance of equilibrium on one interactional parameter. (Carterette E. C. and Friedman M. P. (eds), 1976) Thus the language and non-verbal communication have an important degree of mutual relevance, if one views the communicative resources exploited in face-to-face interaction as a unified, total system, rather than in the more traditional atomistic way. The discovery of the phenomena of speaker synchrony, interactional synchrony and interactional equilibrium lends support to this position. It was also said that non-verbal communication accompanies, supports and complements language, and this was justified by appeal to the regulative and demarcative functions of non-verbal communication, in helping language to convey semantic information. The point was made, finally, that one of the most important functions of face-to-face interaction is to manage interpersonal relations, and that this is achieved largely by the communication of indexical information gathered from not only linguistic and paralinguistic but also extralinguistic aspects of behaviour. Bibliography Carterette E. C. and Friedman M. P. (eds), 1976. Language and Non-Verbal Communication, Volume 7 of Handbook of Perception, Academic Press, New York. Read More