Interpersonal Skills - Assignment Example

Counseling Name A Report Submitted Institution Course Date: Reflective journal Listening Description A friend of mine asked me to accompany her to a beauty shop for some shopping. I was glad to accompany her because I knew it was going to be a nice experience. We went to her favorite store to try on some jewelry. Once we were there, she kept asking me on how she looked when she wore every jewel. She tried on several jewels, which come in different shapes, color, make and design. For example, she first tried on the silver jewels, and I always told her that she was beautiful in them. She then went on to try the gold jewels, which still looked good in her. She finally made a decision and bought one silver and one gold jewel. She then moved on to try some designer clothes. She tried on all types of clothes. This ranged from jeans trousers to skirts. She also tried on some tops, and they all looked great on her. My opinion was always sought. Whenever I gave a positive answer, I would see her face light up. She tried almost everything in one line of clothes and finally made a decision on herself. She bought only two items of clothes despite the fact that she had tried almost all of them in that store. When we left, my friend was very grateful and happy because I had accompanied her for shopping. Reflection I helped my friend decide the best jewelry and clothes that best suited her. I listened carefully to what she was saying. I also communicated positively in non-verbal and verbal means of communication. I always listened attentively, gave positive comments and constructive too. All that while I was very interested in what she was doing and asking. This was all in the quest of keeping a positive environment in the store. I even illustrated on how people will react when they see how she looked in those new items. What I tried to avoid were negative comments. This is because I know my friend is very sensitive. Negative comments would have infuriated my friend, and we would have ended up arguing. She always does not mind the people around her when she gets mad. The arguments would have resulted in a shouting match, which would have distracted the normal business in the store. This is because my friend displays her emotions readily. The emotions are evident and are easy to read and understand. I would have also had a very bad experience from what I was expecting. Bad comments will leave my friend depressed for the rest of the week. Good comments will make my friend feel pretty well with herself and everyone around her. This encouraged me to continue being positive and encouraging. This is because all the mentioned attributes are essential in counseling. Interpretation According to researchers, listening is a form of communication that requires the listener to provide feedback of whatever they hear. The feedback can be in the form of restating or paraphrasing whatever they have heard in their own words (Hayes, 1991, p. 12). This provides a confirmation that they have heard and understood what the other party is saying. Listening carefully was important in the situation I was in, so I tried to listen attentively rather than just wait to speak. Carefully listening to another person speak demonstrates sincerity. This is because the other person is not being taken for granted or assumed. Active listening enhances personal relationships, fosters understanding, reduces conflicts and misunderstandings and strengthens cooperation. Interpretation of listening can be in the body language form or a focus on something similar to what the speaker is saying. Disagreements and agreements are made on common ground. The common ground can be either false or true. As for my case, I always disagreed where my friend did and agreed where she agreed. This is despite the falsehood of the situation. The primary elements of listening include comprehending, retaining and responding. This means that the listener understood what the speaker was saying. The ability to retain means that the listener understands and gives some thought to the communication. Responding determines if the message was listened to. It also urges the speaker to continue speaking or adjust the communication style. As an active listener, I was able to observe the body language and behavior of my friend. This enabled me to develop an accurate understanding of what she was saying. I felt happy because I was involved in the whole activity. I was also glad that we understood each other, and we created an atmosphere of cooperation. The collaboration we had ensured that there were no possible conflicts. From the experience I had, I found out that active listening is an important factor in communication. It is also important in counseling. I resolved to be a good listener since I also appreciate being listened. Good listening means appreciation of what the other party is saying. Since I appreciate good relationships among my friends, I endeavor to be a good listener. Description Conflict management Some classmates had failed some units, and they were required to redo the whole semester. This is because there is a rule that, if a student failed three or more units, students were required to redo the semester. The class representative was trying to explain to them the rules and regulations of exams, but none of them would hear any. There were so many arguments in class to the point that some wanted to fight. The students wanted to redo the units and not the whole semester. Their point was that they should resume the next semester like the other students, and then in the course of that semester, they retake the exam. One student went to an extend of calling the class representative a traitor. This is because he did not empathize with them. They said that he should have reasoned with the administration on that matter so that they can be excused from the whole exercise. Others argued notice should have been given to them before they resumed the semester. By so doing, they would have been ready for what was going to occur. Some said that the notice would have enabled them make a choice between returning to the same college and seeking transfers to other colleges. The issue came about after the students had already registered for a new semester. Some asked the class representative to go ask the administration of a refund of their fee, something that is near impossible. The explanations of the representative were ignored. They wanted the school director to come and make the explanations. This was not going to be because the director expects that everyone read and understood the school rules and regulations before joining the college. The shouting escalated to a shouting match where everyone wanted his or her opinion to be heard. The class representative tried to explain to them that in order for them to qualify for graduation; they were required to repeat the whole semester. It took the intervention of the college representative to calm the students down. This would have escalated into a fight were it for the intervention. This is because some were threatening to finish the live of the class representative. He then went ahead to listen to their grievances before resolving to talk with the administration. Reflection This is a discussion between the students and the class representative. The discussion was about students who did not want to comply with the prescribed exam rules and regulations. They were not given any notices, which means that the college was on the wrong. The notices would have enabled them weigh the options they had. As much as I agree that they had to repeat the semester, the correct procedure should have been followed. The students should have also understood the rules of exams and complied with them. The repeat of the units will be beneficial to the students because they would gain much experience and knowledge of the subjects. I feel the students’ frustrations because it is very frustrating to redo the semester that one had done before. What students appreciate is progress and a repeat would demoralize and devastate them. The students’ emotions were mixed. Some felt depressed and could hardly utter a word. Some expressed their emotions freely, and the tone of their voice revealed their frustrating. My sympathy to the students improved the relationship I had with them. This is because they felt that I identified with their problems. I find pleasure in providing emotional support and practical advice. This makes me a better helper. I explained to the students the benefits of repeating the semester and the importance of not going against the college rules. Going against the set rules and regulations may result in the expulsion and suspension of students. In the end, the students resolved to give the idea a thought for the benefit of all. I was inspired to be open with my feelings. I was also inspired to take situations calmly even if the situation is worse. Reacting violently, will not provide any solutions and could even trigger unwanted behavior. Interpretation According to researchers, conflict management involves the implementation of strategies that limit the negative aspects of conflict. Conflict management enables positive group outcomes, proper counseling and enhances learning. Conflict is valuable to a group of people or organizations but should be managed well in order to increase the outcomes. The conflicts that occurred encouraged the development of good outcomes among the affected students. Conflict can be destructive and can affect the morale of the students. As for the case, the class representative could be affected to the point of seeking a resignation. This is as a result of the harsh terms used on him by the students. He may no longer have the confidence and desire to represent the class anymore. Conflict occurred between the students because they wanted the class representative to engage in activities that are contrary to the college rules and regulations (Hayes, 1991, p. 239). It also occurred because the two parties had different opinions and preferences concerning a similar topic. Conflict management does not mean that the conflicts have been resolved. The strategies of conflict management will be effective if they are designed to critically and innovatively diagnose the problem and provide an intervention. The strategies should also be designed in a manner that requires both parties to behave in an ethical way. By so doing, the conflict can be handled in a proper manner. As a helper, I assessed the situation and also the way the students reacted. I then tried to create a new approach in order to understand how and why the students reacted the way they did. The conflict should be identified, if it is interpersonal, emotional or procedural. Through this, the best way to handle it will be identified. The reaction should also be made without any blame on anyone. I engaged the students in a dialogue and understood why they reacted the way they did. Description Counseling A friend of mine called June had been feeling very depressed and distressed following the death of her mother. The mother died from cancer, and being the eldest, she was left with the duty of taking care of her siblings. June was not aware that she had psychological difficulties. She always found herself crying for the better part of the day, she was unable to sleep at night, and was also unable to concentrate during the day. Her concentration at work was deteriorating and hence her work was suffering. The whole issue was also putting a strain on the relationship she had with her long-term boyfriend Sam. Having noticed all this a friend suggested that she should try to see a counselor. June did not see the need of indulging a stranger on her issues. She was of the certainty that she was going to get better on her own. June could no longer trust anyone and was not able to express her feelings well. She finally decided to see a counselor for help. She came to me, and I offered counseling twice a week. The assessment was interesting because she was let in on the different events of life. At first, she felt suspicious, but gradually felt comfortable. This is because the space was confidential and was allowed to voice any of her feelings. The indulgence enabled her to feel better. She was able to concentrate on her life, and the distress was much less. The angry feelings gradually disappeared. This is because she realized that she had been suppressing them for a long time. Reflection The death of a loved one can be awfully depressing. The emotional distress can have an impact on the life of the affected person. The patient here was affected to the point where she no longer showed interest on the relationship she had. The emotions are so strong such that one can end up blaming everyone for the misfortune. I attentively listened to the unfolding and gave room for June to express all her feelings. From what she narrated, I was able to perceive the difficulties from the client’s point of view. I also used a different perspective to enable them see things more clearly. Respect and acceptance of the patient means that the development of a good relationship will be enhanced. The client needs protection from the counselor. This comes in the form of information confidentiality. This is because the counselor is responsible for the feelings, behavior and thoughts of the patient. Encouragement of the client is essential. They should be encouraged to focus on the basic assumptions of life to enable them come to terms with it. This also enables them to make sense of their being. The client is also focused on how much they are capable and ready to take charge of their own lives. This means that the customer will be capable of handling another similar situation in a more simple way in the future. Limitations are noted such as emotional weaknesses, and options are made available for them to consider. The client will then be capable of looking at diverse ways of behavior when faced with certain situations. This enables the client to view the world in a dissimilar way than before. Interpretation According to research, counseling takes place between the patient and the counselor. The practice sets to explore distress or difficulty that a person may be experiencing. It provides a means of reducing or changing confusion. The process does not involve judging or exploiting clients. As for June’s case, judging her would elicit further emotional distress, which could be fatal. A counseling session involves the client expressing their aspects of life and feelings. The client talks freely and openly in a different way as they would with friends and family. It can be intense when one bottles up such feelings as grief, anger, anxiety and embarrassment. Counseling explores such issues and provides a means of making them easy to understand. Trust between the client and the counselor should exist because it enables the client to consider the many aspects of their relationships, lives and themselves as individuals. The client through the help of the counselor examines the situations or behavior that has proven troublesome. They would then find areas where possible change can be initiated. A reliable and trusting relationship should be developed between the two parties. By so doing, the client will always seek the help of the same counselor whenever they have a problem. The counselor provides therapy in three forms. The first being empathy where the counselor imagines oneself in the client’s position. The imagination will enable them consider every perspective of life. The second is unconditional positive regard, which involves positive, warm feelings no matter the behavior of the client. The counselor should always be positive especially in such sensitive cases as that of June’s. The counselor should also be open and honest. This is necessary because the client has to be told the truth regarding the matter. This will help them realize their mistake and begins the process of change and healing. The client in the end will feel strong, confident, and also ready to take on challenges of life. Description Intercultural communication Joy is a supermarket attendant or checker and from an Asian background. Joy has a heavy accent, and it is usually very hard for people to comprehend what she is saying. According to her culture, shopping always includes two cartons of diet coke. This is a culture that does not apply to the cultures of all the shoppers of the supermarket. There was a case of a shopper who did her shopping and Joy was the checker who attended to her. The checker greeted the customer and began examining the items in the shopping basket. While scanning the items, she came across a carton of diet coke picked by the customer. Joy paused and told the customer that she needed to take two cartons of diet coke. Because of her heavy accent, the customer did not get what she was saying. Joy repeated what she was saying in a loud tone, but the customer declined saying that she only needed one pair. Joy insisted that the customer should take two. She gestured, at the cash register, to indicate that she had added two cartons of diet coke to her list. The customer was startled and continued repeating that one pair was enough for her. Joy was trying to impose her cultural norms on a very different person. What she did not realize was that everyone has a culture of his or her own. The cultures are different depending on the origin of a customer. Joy persistently told the customer to go back and pick the remaining pair of diet coke. The resistance of the customer was ignored citing the benefits of going home with the two pairs. It took the intervention of the supermarket manager to clear the problem started by Joy. Reflection Every person’s culture is different. Cultural-specific norms and phrases are often misunderstood. Misunderstandings often occur especially when one party assumes that his or her culture applies to everyone. Where such misunderstandings occur, the checker should be given an insight into the meaning of cultural diversity. It is obvious that she does not understand why the customer was not listening to what she was saying. She feels frustrated and depressed by the customer who is unresponsive. Tolerance should be exercised so that the culture of the checker is also considered in the problem resolution. The checker should be encouraged to change perspective. This means that she is urged to understand the reactions and actions of the customer. The customer’s choice was based on the preferences hence the checker should not try to change that. The checker was very aware of her culture; she shows respect and understanding of her own culture. I understand the frustration she is experiencing. The frustration can be more especially when no one seems to get your point of view. A neutral ground is formed, and both parties made to understand the other person’s point of view. Listening to the checker’s opinion is important so that the feeling of being discriminated against is not felt. The feelings and emotions should not be ignored as they play a major role in counseling. The checker should be encouraged that what she did was not wrong. The way in which she did it was not appropriate. What she should have done was to ask the customer if she would mind having two pairs of the item. The opinion of the customer should have also been respected without creating so much confusion. The confusion created meant that those who were in similar row waiting to be served were inconvenienced. Interpretation Research has shown that intercultural communication is a means of global communication. It describes the problems that arise from communication within contexts made up of people from diverse ethnic, religious, social and educational background. It provides an insight into how people from different cultures and countries act, perceive and communicate with those around them. Joy is from a different culture from the customer. This is the reason why there was no understanding between the two. The attributes and thought patterns are different for different groups of people. The way the checker thinks and perceives things is very different from the customer’s side. When persons from different cultures get to know each other more closely, the interaction moves from intercultural to a more interpersonal level. Sensitivity is an important factor and a key to success in intercultural communication. Matters to do with culture are very sensitive, and one needs to be careful when handling them. Knowledge is key to intercultural communication. People should understand intercultural communication problems. This makes them conscious of the problems making them come up with ways to overcome them. Behavior of individuals should be adjusted so that efforts to overcome such problems will be successful. The involved parties should be patient and forgiving in the case that problems develop. Intercultural exchanges should be responded to carefully and slowly. The checker and the customer were required to be forgiving and also patient. This is because neither of them understood why the other was acting in that manner. In the end, there was forgiveness and adjustments made by both parties. This meant that a conducive environment had been created for everyone. Description Assertiveness Linda has a roommate who is driving her up the wall. In the beginning, the two agreed to follow the rules they had laid down concerning the room. They both kept their part of the good deal for the first two months. Recently, her roommate is behaving so badly Linda was even thinking of moving out. She messes up everything and never takes time to clean the room. Once she has used something, she never returns it to where she picked it. She uses Linda’s personal items without asking for permission. She brings her girlfriends to the room at her own pleasure. She does not consider her roommate who may be studying in the room. Linda usually has to move out to give them space. She uses all the utensils and leaves them there for Linda to come and clean up. Just a few weeks ago, she invited her boyfriend over without consulting Linda. On that night, Linda had to inconvenience her friends who gave her a place to live. This is in spite of the fact that Linda’s friends are also in campus, and their rooms are very small. Recently, she came asking what to do. She was wondering if she should just shoot it straight at her roommate’s face that she could no longer take it. The shooting never works though because she has tried and there has been no change. She was also thinking of complaining to her parents as she always does to her friends. Her complaints have been endless though the situation has always remained the same. Her friends just sympathize with her but never have a solution. Should she just act in an assertive manner and talk to her calmly?. She has an option of sitting down and reasoning with her in a quest to find a solution. That is what an assertive person does. The other responses are just passive and aggressive and may not achieve anything. Reflection Linda’s roommate sought the aid of a therapist to assist her become assertive. I feel Linda’s frustrations because it is usually very difficult to live with such a person. It can be very annoying when your roommate does not consider how you feel about their actions. It always takes practice and time and also willingness to accept the mistakes done. This is however, important if one needs to achieve the goal of being assertive. I encouraged Linda’s roommate to come, with a notebook, to put down her goals, readings and examinations. She should also put down her behaviors, attitudes, obstacles and people she encounters while practicing to express herself. I encouraged her to set realistic goals, observe her behavior, and keep track of her progress. It is also important that she has a supportive environment and accepting relationships. Those who care and understand her are her strongest assets. This is where Linda comes in. She knows her roommate, and it is important that she helps her through those hard times. This is vital if she wants to maintain a good association with her. I encouraged both of them to be patient because becoming assertive takes time to unfold and requires frequent practice. Assertiveness requires a sense of belonging and safety; it requires an individual who feels different or cannot be himself or herself and one who is less apt to behave in an assertive manner. This applies well for Linda’s roommate. That is why it was important for her to create an open and accepting environment. That will help her welcome the diversity of perspectives and styles and thus enable her to act and live in an assertive and authentic manner. In the end, Linda’s roommate was heading the direction of change. She had also created a good environment and was making sure that her relationship with Linda was good. Interpretation Assertiveness is the ability to express oneself honestly and openly while considering other people’s concerns. It involves being courageous enough to speak your mind, having confidence and being true to your beliefs and values. When someone acts assertively, chances of increasing an honest relationship increases. This is the reason why Linda did not have an honest relationship with her roommate. Assertiveness helps an individual feel good about oneself and has a sense of control in every situation they are faced with (Hermes, p. 24). Linda was assertive that is why she controlled her emotions and sought the assistance of a counselor. Being assertive does not imply that you get what you want. That is the reason why Linda never got what she wanted from the relationship she had with her roommate. Developing the ability to express oneself, an individual, is able to increase the feelings of self-worth, reduce stress, feel more self-confident and improve the ability to make decisions. People always seem to respond in an aggressive or passive manner when confronted with difficult situations. Those who are passive do not trust their own feelings and thoughts. Aggressive people express their feelings but at the expense of others. Being assertive involves what you say and how you say it. An assertive person is clear and specific about what they say. They own their messages and ask for feedback. They say whatever they want to say through eye contact, physical contact and distance, body posture, voice, facial gestures and expressions, listening and timing. Linda is being assertive in the sense that after seeking help, she waits for feedback. She is able to get the feedback because in the end, her roommate came around and they were able to live peacefully. Had she acted, aggressively or passively, she would have ended up moving out of the hostel. References List Hayes, J. 1991. Interpersonal Skills: Goal-directed behavior at work, New York: Routledge. Hermes, S. Assertiveness Facilitator’s Guide-Item 1163, New York: Hazelden Publishing. Read More